Welcome! and Ratings Explanation

Welcome!

Hello and welcome to my site of shitty reviews (take that however you want)! This is my first post on here and figured that it should be some sort of introduction to the site and my way of how things are going to be rated!

First off, keep in mind that I am not in any way a professional (anything) so these reviews are just how I feel about whatever it is I'm reviewing. I'm also not being paid to write any reviews or got any sweet sweet swag out of it. If there ever comes a time where that's not true, I'll be sure to let you know at the start of the post!

So yeah! I'm me... Carl... and like most humans I have opinions about things and poor grammar and punctuation. Here you will have the great privilege to read my opinions while being subjected to my poor grammar and almost non existent use of punctuation! Do you feel a great warmth spreading in you yet at this exciting chance?

Good, you probably shouldn't... that'd be weird...

 First off, before I forget, the poop image above was made by my good friend Freepik over on Flaticon.com! I got it for free and so can you along with... probably millions... of other icons! Don't be weird about it... just get some icons if you need them!

Speaking of the poop! Get used to seeing that guy! He's what will be used as the rating system here on Carl Reviews Crap! So lets break down that rating system now!

Full Poop -  Absolute unit of poop. If this were reddit and this was a banana this would be our scale. Its a big ol happy poop hangin with his fly buddies!

Half Poop - If a full poop is awesome then half a poop is just kinda cool. It's like if your best friend set you up on a blind date and when you got there you saw her from behind and she looked just fine as hell bro... I mean like 9.5 out of ten. Then she turns around and its like Cory Feldman in a wig. That is to say, still pretty damn awesome but not what you were expecting so not as cool. Also this poop died in the halving process. So did one of the flies.

With that taken care of, we move on to the real meat of the rating setup here. Get right into the poop meat...

So, most of you are probably familiar with the standard 5 star rating system. Thats where no stars is the worst and 5 stars is the best. Some rate with half stars, hell some assholes even do quarter stars like some kinda I dunno what.

You'll find no heathen 4th poops here!

So take that classic 5 star system and just reverse it! That's how we do it here! Remember we're issuing out poops like hairnet wearing lunch ladies in a mid-eastern America middle school! You'll never be completely poopless! That's just not how the world works!

So instead of 0 being the worst and 5 being the best, here 1/2 is the best and 5 is the worst. Like I said you'll never be completely poopless, its just not how we roll. Even the most beautiful people on the planet still poop so we can never do better than the ol Half Poop rating.

So when a review pops up the rating will be at the very bottom along with probably some closing remarks to wrap everything up! That's really all there is to it so I look forward to getting out there and reviewing some crap!