Carl Reviews Crap!

Hey everyone! I'm Carl and I'm coming at you live from the Crap Shack! Today we're looking at the new Coca Cola flavor that came out recently - Orange Vanilla! *Air horn sounds like in 90s rap videos* As the picture shows, this stuff comes in both regular Coke and Coke Zero as well. I've only got to try to regular Coke flavor as that's all I can find! I really want to try the Zero version as I really like Coke Zero and prefer it to regular Coke. If I can find the Coke Zero version somewhere in the wild I'll try it and update this review! I'm sure all of you out there in the internet land can hardly wait! What started this whole thing So I had no idea this new flavor was a thing... I was driving to work one morning last week and kept seeing this bright colored billboard off to the side of the interstate. I didn't pay much attention to it but of course on a subconscious level my mind had read and processed it and filed it away while ...

Mine says "sour throughout" like some kinda Criss Angel stunt tagline Hey everyone! This Carl coming at you from the Crap Shack! Tonight I'm sitting around eating these gummi bears! Wtf does gummi even mean? I generally just call them gummy bears like most humans I imagine. Maybe thats the magic of it... even when we say out loud "gummy" we could be saying "gummi" all along. Now we all owe the copyright holder of gummi millions of dollars. Pssst... Get in touch with me about my cut mysterious gummi billionaire! I dunno if any of you guys are like me... but I love sour candy. I always have. I remember eating Warheads in elementary school and being able to keep a straight face and I cant even remember the number of times Ive ate sour skittles until my tongue hurt. And dont even get me started on Sour Patch Kids... mmmm mmmm good! So the other night while I was wandering around my friendly neighborhood Wally World I happened across thes...

This fuckin guy, right?! I mean... just look at him... That shnoz! If he could talk in anything more than wing dings I bet he'd be begging you to kill him. I know I would if I had to wake up every morning and look at that in the mirror! Id welcome the cheap deaths from falling off the side of the map and be like "#@$^#%^&#@$" which means "no I dont wanna respawn, Im good actually, thank you though for your consideration" So yeah... Qbert! Or Q-bert or whatever you want to call it. Q-bert was released in the way back times of 1982. When I was but a wee lass wandering the hills of Scotland with my clan. The McShithouse clan. But thats a story for another time. Q-bert was originally released in arcades and was known as a pretty epic quarter muncher. Like a lot of games designed back then, it was purposefully difficult to extend the game play as long as possible and also to make sure you kept spending money, I'm lookin at you Ghosts and ...

Welcome! Hello and welcome to my site of shitty reviews (take that however you want)! This is my first post on here and figured that it should be some sort of introduction to the site and my way of how things are going to be rated! First off, keep in mind that I am not in any way a professional (anything) so these reviews are just how I feel about whatever it is I'm reviewing. I'm also not being paid to write any reviews or got any sweet sweet swag out of it. If there ever comes a time where that's not true, I'll be sure to let you know at the start of the post! So yeah! I'm me... Carl... and like most humans I have opinions about things and poor grammar and punctuation. Here you will have the great privilege to read my opinions while being subjected to my poor grammar and almost non existent use of punctuation! Do you feel a great warmth spreading in you yet at this exciting chance? Good, you probably shouldn't... that'd be weird...  ...